Heartstrings (A Rock Star Romance Novel) Read online

  “No, I promise,” Slade says, sitting back up in bed. “I want to know what album saved your life, once. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

  “You go first,” I say.

  “Fine,” Slade says, “Mine was Simon and Garfunkel’s concert in Central Park. My mom had a recording of it that I listened to over and over again while I was growing up.” I stare at him blankly, shocked into silence. “What is it?” he asks, “Not what you were expecting?

  “No...” I say, “No, it’s just...It was Simon and Garfunkel for me too. The Central Park record.”

  “You’re making that up,” he says, his eyes wide.

  “No, I swear!” I say excitedly. “I used to listen to it in my room as I was falling asleep.”

  “What was your favorite song?” he asks suspiciously.

  “April Come She Will,” I say, without hesitation. “What about you?”

  “The Sound of Silence,” he says, “Of course.”

  We stare at each other in silence for a moment, neither us able to fully believe in this coincidence. I suddenly remember the exact sensation of listening to that album alone in my childhood bedroom. I remember being fifteen years old, not having yet grown into my curves, sitting in the window seat in a cotton nighty, and looking out over the treetops beyond my back yard. I remember how profoundly sad, and yet how beautiful that music was. It had made me want to settle down and explore the world, all at once. And now, over a decade later, I hadn’t done either...

  “It’s a damn good record,” Slade said quietly.

  “Yeah,” I agree, smiling through the nostalgic ache that had taken up residence in my heart, “Damn good.”

  There’s a knock on the door, and I turn to see a graying, stern nurse looking in at us. Rachel’s arrived to relieve me of my duties. I stand up quickly and start toward the door to give her report.

  “Hey,” Slade says. There’s an urgency in his voice I haven’t heard before.

  “What’s up?” I ask, looking back at him expectantly.

  “...Nothing,” he smiles, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Tonight. Whatever.”

  “I’ll see you,” I say, smiling back.

  My legs wobble ever-so-slightly beneath me as I make my way out of the room past Rachel.

  “No change I expect?” she asks rhetorically.

  I glance back as she closes the door and approaches Slade, fussing over the state of his sheets and pillows. That ache in my heart is amplified as I walk away from the hospital room, out to where my car is waiting to take me home. I realize, as I start the engine, that the sweet, sad longing throbbing inside of me is something very much like lovesickness.

  But that’s impossible...I try to reason with myself. I’ve only known Slade a couple of days. Surely, I can’t have feelings for him. He’s a patient. Not to mention a complete asshole some of the time. Oh, and a skeevy rock star, to boot. I must be confusing my physical attraction for something deeper, that’s all. Those muscles of his would bamboozle even the most unromantic person out there. And if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always been something of a hopeless romantic. I try not to think about what all these warring feelings mean and I drive home to catch a few well-earned hours of sleep.

  I stagger up my front stoop and let myself in. Gustav is waiting for me by the door, just like he always does, his big yellow eyes peer up at me inquisitively. I give him a good scratch behind the ears and head for the kitchen, to fetch a can of food for him. We’ve gotten into quite the regular routine, Gustav and I. I empty the food into his dish and slog up the stairs, at this point my limbs are aching for a little bit of rest. Without bothering to take off my scrubs, I flop down onto my mattress. I don’t even bother to get under the covers. My eyes snap shut, and I pull my eye mask firmly down over my face to keep the sun at bay.

  As I lay there, halfway between waking and sleeping, I find my thoughts drawn inevitably toward Slade Hale. I let my imagination supply me with scenes of the two of us together, out in the real world. I imagine what his home must look like, how he looks without his clothes on. I let myself wonder what it would be like to run my hands along his firm chest, his well muscled arms, and those washboard abs. What would it feel like to run my fingers through his long, dark curls, look deeply into his endless eyes, and press my lips to his? How amazing would it feel to reach down and wrap my hands around his hard, bulging...

  In what feels like the blink of an eye, it’s morning once more. I scowl under my mask, annoyed at not being able to remember any of the more illicit dreams my subconscious had cooked up the night before. For an instant before waking, I had imagined that I was actually wrapped up in Slade’s arms. But when I roll over, I see that I’m alone once more. As ever.

  I crawl out of bed and prepare myself for work. Most days, getting to the hospital seems like a chore, but today I’m excited to head in. There was something about Slade’s demeanor the day before that had resonated with me. Against my better judgment, I let myself hope that the sweet guy who secretly liked Simon and Garfunkel was the true version of Slade.

  I bid adieu to Gustav and all but skip out to my car. Drumming my fingers impatiently on the dashboard, I find that I can’t wait to be back at the hospital so that I can see Slade again. I’ll be on my best behavior today and give this guy a chance.

  Penny’s already at work when I breeze in. She looks up at me and raises her eyebrows suspiciously. “Someone’s chipper this morning,” she says, “Did you get laid last night or something?”

  “Not exactly,” I say, “Just in a good mood.”

  “We’ll see how long that lasts,” she says. “Would you do me a favor and check in on the patient at the end of the hall? He took a bad spill down the stairs of his office building, and he—”

  “No can do,” I say, “I’m on strict Slade Hale duty. Remember? Dr. Kelly doesn’t want me spending time with any other patients.”

  “Didn’t someone tell you?” Penny says, her bright eyes going wide.

  “Tell me what?” I ask, dark dread flooding through me, “Did something happen? Is Slade OK?”

  “He’s fine, don’t worry,” Penny says, taking my hands in hers. “He’s been discharged, actually. I thought someone would have told you.”

  “...Discharged?” I repeat. I pull my hands from Penny’s and rush down the hall to Slade’s room. I yank open the door and lurch inside, hoping to see his caddish, smiling face before me. But instead, I only see a perfectly made bed sitting in the middle of a pristine room. There’s no evidence that Slade had ever even been here. I sink down into the bedside chair and stare blankly at the place where he lay just hours before. He must have been let out during the day shift. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.

  I’m unreasonably disappointed by Slade’s sudden departure. Of course he’s been discharged, he was good to go once the bleeding had stopped and honestly he could have gone home yesterday. It’s not like he was ever going to be a part of my life beyond our few days of knowing each other. I don’t know why I let myself dabble in fantasies of being Slade Hale’s friend...or God forbid something more. I’m sure that whatever chemistry I felt with him was just his natural charm working me over. He probably took on sparring buddies like me wherever he went.

  I suddenly felt embarrassed by my little crush. At first, I thought I’d be able to turn my nose up at Slade, and write him off as an asshole man-child. But in the short time I’d known him, I felt like I’d gotten through to him on some deeper level. For a tiny sliver of a moment, it felt as though we’d connected. Am I totally crazy? Does everyone who talks to Slade for more than a minute have the same feeling? Probably that’s it. He’s a celebrity, after all. I’m sure that all kinds of people tend to fall into his orbit.

  Still, I’m remarkably sad to see him go. I feel his absence like a physical loss. Even if he won’t remember me a week from now, I feel like I’m missing out on something now that he’s gone. I must have a screw loose, or something.

  Penny c
omes rushing into the room after me, starting at me from the doorway. There’s a look of troubled concern on her face, and I watch as comprehension begins to dawn. “Oh, Julia...” she says.

  “Yeah,” I shrug, trying to laugh away the disappointment.

  “You got attached, didn’t you?” she asks.

  “I suppose I did, a little,” I say.

  “Well, we all have favorites from time to time, don’t we?” she says helpfully.

  I nod, forcing a smile onto my face. I have a long shift ahead of me, after all. It’s not like I can just pick up, go home, and mope for a while. I have a job to do. I pick myself up off Slade’s abandoned hospital bed, and give it one more long look. I can practically hear his laugher echoing off the walls when I listen closely enough, see his cunning, handsome face against the stiff white pillow. I shake my head, trying to scatter the memories of him from my mind, but they don’t want to budge. I’m almost alarmed by how strongly I’m reacting to his absence. We only spent two days together, after all, it’s not like I’m losing the love of my life, here.

  Penny and I walk back out into the ER, assuming our posts once more. I put on my best airs of being collected and calm, hoping that if I fake it long enough, it will just start to be true. Penny’s monitoring me, I can tell—trying to gage what’s going on in my head.

  “I guess he’ll get to play that show tomorrow night now, huh?” she says.

  “Who?” I ask dumbly.

  “Oh, come on,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You know who. Wasn’t there some concert that he wanted to play?”

  “Oh. Right,” I say, “I think I remember him talking about that.”

  Of course I remember him talking about it. He’d nagged me about it the entire time he was here. I’m happy for him, that he gets to play the show like he had so badly wanted. But part of me wishes, selfishly, that he was still here with me. How messed up is that—a nurse wishing for someone to get worse rather than heal? I’m glad that no one can read my thoughts right now. That certainly wouldn’t go over well with the doctors.

  “You should go see it,” Penny said suddenly.

  “The concert?” I ask. “No...I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?” Penny demands.

  “Can you see me at a rock concert?” I ask, “They’d all think I was a narc or something.”

  “You’d be fine. We could dress you up like a dirty hippie and send you on your way,” Penny says, bopping up and down on the balls of her feet.

  “I’m sure it’s sold out anyway,” I remind her.

  “He’d make an exception for you,” she smiles.

  “You’re delusional,” I tell her, smiling back.

  “Takes one to know one,” she says.

  Our attention is grabbed away by a newly admitted patient, and from that moment on the shift starts to fly by. One emergency after the other comes our way, and for a while I’m almost able to forget about Slade Hale. Almost. But even as I’m in the thick of the job, I can feel him in the back of my mind, waiting for me to pay attention again. How long is this going to go on, anyway? I do my best to block out thoughts of my rock star and do my job. The effort of it all makes the hours zoom past.

  Chapter Five

  * * * * *

  I finally hand off my patients to the nurse coming in to relieve me. It’s Rachel, once again, the woman who took care of Slade during the days while he was here. I run through my notes on autopilot. As she turns away from me, I can’t help myself from calling after her.

  “It sure will be quiet around here without our favorite patient, huh?” I say.

  “Favorite patient?” she asks, not comprehending. Rachel’s never been one for humor. Or figurative language.

  “Slade Hale,” I prompt.

  “Oh,” she says, “Of course. Yes, it will certainly be quieter. And more peaceful.”

  “Were you here when they discharged him?” I ask.

  “I was the one who recommended it,” she says.

  I swallow the unreasonable surge of anger I feel toward her. She was just doing her job, discharging a patient who no longer needed to be here. There was no way she could have known that I have a big stupid crush on him. “Was he...excited to go?” I ask.

  “I suppose,” Rachel says, clearly wanting to get on with her shift. “Apparently there’s a concert tomorrow night that he’ll get to play now.”

  “Right,” I say, “He mentioned that...Um, Rachel? Did he maybe...”

  “What?” Rachel asks.

  “Did he tell you to...tell me...anything?” I splutter, blushing all the while.

  “Julia,” Rachel says, exasperated, “I’m not your answering machine. I didn’t think to ask him whether—”

  “I’m sorry for asking,” I say, grabbing my things, “I was just wondering.”

  Rachel mutters something as I hurry away down the hallway, embarrassed by my behavior. I hoped that Slade would have at least relayed a “goodbye” to me somehow. His departure was so sudden and anti-climactic - we never even got a moment to trade “farewells”. Maybe it’s for the best, somehow. Maybe I would have done or said something stupid if I had had any more time to formulate a send off for my rock star patient. This way, his impression of me would be fairly untouched.

  I wonder what impression he will carry of me, after our couple of days together. Will he remember me as the uptight nurse who wouldn’t let him have whiskey in his hospital room, or the nice young woman who sat with him while he healed? I don’t want to know.

  With my spirits dragging behind me like a ball and chain, I make my way back out into the early morning sunlight. I’ve gotten used to treating more like night and night like morning, and the old switcharoo is not without its benefits. This morning, the sky is bright with pink and oranges—the clouds billowing and bursting with light of every hue. I stand in front of the hospital and lift my face to the sky, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. I never take enough time to appreciate moments like this, tiny moments of beauty wrapped up in the rest of the day.

  Maybe Slade’s had an impact on me, after all. After spending a couple of days with him, I do feel like I’m noticing things more. Even if it just means taking a second to breathe in the early morning air. He’s someone who lives purely in the moment—he has to. There are so many grand things happening to him all the time that he has to take them as they come. Why can’t I cultivate that in my life? Sure, I’m a creature of routine, but maybe I can take a page out of Slade’s book?

  I smile to myself as I get into my car, thinking of how smug he would be if he knew I was taking life lessons from him, all of a sudden. I start up the engine and head home once again, back to my eye mask, and my cat, and a glorious day off tomorrow. I let daydreams of my upcoming trip push out lingering thoughts of Slade. He would appreciate my desire to get on the road for a while and shake off my typical life. Hell, he’d probably come with me if I asked him nicely.

  “Ahh!” I moan, slapping at the dashboard. He even invaded thoughts about my road trip! My brain is acting like a twelve-year-old girl’s, dwelling on Slade like this. I need to clear my head. Get some sleep. This whole crush is spinning totally out of control—I don’t even know whether Slade was faintly attracted to me! And here I am, daydreaming about him like a lovesick puppy.

  I turn into my driveway and have to laugh to keep from crying. I’m hallucinating now, it would seem. I imagine that I see a man sitting on my front stoop. A gorgeous, towering man who looks very familiar. I cut the engine and stare at my walking daydream. This has gone too far—I’m picturing Slade Hale waiting on my front stoop. I watch as my hallucination raises his eyes to mine, waves with that charming smile I know so well. I wait for the moment to pass, for reality to swoop in and rob me of my handsome imaged guest...

  But when I blink again, he’s still there. He’s standing up. He’s coming over to the car...And I am utterly frozen in place behind the wheel. Slade peers through the passenger window with an amused expression fixed on his fa
ce. He taps the window with his index finger, attempting to get my attention. I struggle to regain my composure, wishing that my heart would quit the racket it’s making in my chest. Fumbling with my keys, I cut the engine and swing open the door, nearly smacking Slade in the head as I do so.

  “I’m sorry!” I cry, as he leaps out of the way.

  “Are you trying to put me in the hospital again?” he asks with a smile.

  “No, I’m...” I stutter, “This is my house.”

  “Yes,” he says.

  “You’re at my house.”

  “I am,” he grins. He’s clearly having a ball with this.

  I stand before him on my own driveway, peering up at him in the light of the street lamp. I didn’t realize how tall he really was. I’m used to looking down at him in his hospital bed, but now he’s towering over me. His body is a perfectly balanced collection of well wrought muscle. He’s got his hands tucked into his front pockets and he holds himself in an easy, effortless stance. I feel like a bundle of exposed nerves in front of him.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask. “Sorry. That was rude. I just—”

  “You didn’t think I was going to leave without saying goodbye, did you?” Slade said.

  “I...Well...I just figured that you had to get a move on. I wasn’t expecting you to stick around.”

  “But you were hoping a little, right?” he asks with a wink.

  “Maybe I was,” I smile, daring to let my affection for him shine a little brighter.

  “I wouldn’t have just bailed,” Slade says, a more serious tone hardening his voice. “I don’t walk out on people, Julia. I want you to know that.”

  “OK,” I say. Why is he telling me this? I was just his nurse, after all. It’s not like anything happened between us.

  Except that, when I was honest with myself, I had felt something pass between us in his hospital room. Whenever our hands happened to touch, whenever I let myself get lost in his eyes for just a moment too long, I could feel something waking up inside of me. Whatever it is that Slade does to me, no one has ever done before. I try to convince myself that I’m just star struck, that it’s just his sex appeal that clouds my head, but it’s more than that. Yes, he’s the single most attractive man I’ve ever seen, but there’s something beneath that gorgeous surface of his that resonates with me. There’s something unknowable about Slade Hale that intrigues me, something he doesn’t let the rest of the world see. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be the one he shares that secret self with. Either that, or he’s looking for a one night stand with a cute nurse before he keeps going on his tour. I decide to play it cool.